YOUR BEARD IS NOT COVERED IN POOP
You've probably seen or heard about one of the articles floating around the internet claiming that beards are filthy and covered in "more fecal matter than a toilet." But unless you've had your head in the toilet, this is simply false.
First of all, let's use our brains. Studies have shown that some fecal matter from the toilet does turn into a micro mist when you flush, and from there it can get on anything inside your bathroom. It could, and probably does get into your beard. But, it also get's into the hair on top of a beardless mans head. And into the perfectly coiffed hair of our female friends as well. The fact is, this is not a "beard" problem, it's a "flushing" problem and if any of us are affected, then we're all affected. Beards or none.
Second, snopes.com has reported that there was never an actual scientific study preformed. In fact the gentleman who originally conducted this "study" only swabbed 5 beards. And what's more, the jackass who started this War On Beards, misrepresented the microbiologist who reviewed his 5 swabs.
John Golobic, the microbiolgist who performed the tests on the 5 swabs in question, identified some of the bacteria present on the swabs as bacteria that normally live in the intestines. And according to theguardian.com, he said, “Those are the types of things you’d find in feces." However, while it is true that the bacteria he found is present in fecal matter, it cannot be called feces on it own.
Furthermore, actual, scientific medical studies have shown that having a beard actually reduced the likelihood of antibiotic-resistant bacteria on the skin.
So, friends, fear not. Your beard is not covered in poop. It is, however, covered in magnificence and wonder. And, if you don't mind us saying so, it makes you look dangerously handsome.